Sunday, February 12, 2017

Assignment 17 - Christian Lauritzen

Magnificent CGI, gripping plot, astounding acting prowess, multi-level story, top dollar production, and the greatest minds in film.  What do all of these things have in common?  They are completely and utterly non-existent in this movie.  Birdemic: Shock and Terror, a movie claimed to have been inspired by titles such as An Inconvenient Truth by Al Gore, Apocalypse Now, and of course Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds (even down to the petty disagreements with actors), this movie is plagued with two dimensional acting, certifiably terrible sound engineering, and a story so painful, meandering, and boring to bear with that I had to stop watching and resume later.  The main character, who's name I can't even remember, speaks as if his larynx was surgically removed and replaced with Siri who they subsequently couldn't afford to pay and then had to hire a bootleg copy Cortana with a somehow even more robotic male voice, and then that one got bored too.  In a spectacle that proves to be a poor experience for everyone, the film somehow manages to make you simultaneously hate global warming activists and sympathize with the birds, because the director couldn't even bother to make their bodies made out of anything more than low quality sprites.  I gained nothing from this movie, and neither will you.  It proved not to be a waste of my time for no other reason to give me a movie that I see as worse than all others.  If you make the unwise and poorly reasoned decision to watch this godforsaken pile of flaming garbage, may God have mercy on your soul.

(I didn't know how to access the review on Rotten Tomato once I posted it)

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