Rebekah George Assignment 13

We’re Coming for Your Guns

With the holiday season fast-approaching, each and every little girl and boy in the US of A greedily scribbles down his or her holiday wishes. After all, how is Santa supposed to know what you want without you begging mummy and daddy for it for weeks on end? He’s only watching you all the time. What does he know? Regardless, everyone knows what tops the list of every youngin’ in this country of ours that, honestly, has too many states. A gun. Other countries say that this is ridiculous. “Not every person that is currently breathing within the confines of petty borders drawn by murderers and bureaucrats hundreds of years ago can possibly have a gun.” But I propose that it’s never too early to buy your child a firearm. 15? They’ve just gotten over the awkwardness of middle school. They deserve it! 10? They need to learn responsibility somehow. 5? Just provide lessons alongside your little scamp learning to ride a bike. In utero? Hey, they’re not getting any younger. People squabble about the expenses of guns and ammo. But can you really put a price on safety? What shall your child do when confronted with a bad guy with a gun? Shoot his face off, obviously. Anyone who suggests otherwise only wishes to deprive you and your family of your God-given second amendment right. And nothing is more important than that second amendment. Voting rights for all and freedom of speech only get in the way of the real reason the Constitution was written: to protect your guns. While other countries waste their time with idiotic attempts at making the world a better place by banning what we Americans hold so near and dear to our hearts—military-grade assault rifles, if you were wondering—we’ll be busy shooting each other for fun. And there is something so deliciously American about that, dear reader. So, Wal-Mart and—quite frankly, you can buy a gun almost anywhere in this enormous land of bald eagles and hotdogs—all the others, prepare yourselves because we’re coming for your guns this holiday season.